"...WAKE UP!!!"

I realize that had I taken the proper steps to taking care of myself last week, I would feel much better than I do, today. When my body came down with a cold and began to fight the good fight what did I do to help the situation? 

Nothing.

I wasn’t getting the proper rest I needed, I wasn’t taking any medicine and I didn’t eat much of anything. During my times of being sick, I tend to just give in to what my body wants (or in this case doesn’t want) and I don’t pay much attention to what my body needs (nourishment, rest, medicine, etc.). After a while, my body began to eat itself. I lost a lot of weight last week and I’m still working to gain that back (sometimes I have to remind myself that I am hungry or that I should eat…even if I’m not hungry).

The same happened with my Spiritual health. 

I went down fast. I became spiritually sick. I sought no nutrition, and didn’t give myself what I needed, but instead what I wanted. What I did not want was to read my Word. What I did not want was to seek God. What I did not want was anything spiritually beneficial. So, I began to eat at myself– thing of the flesh. I sought comfort in music and movies and tissues and even sorrow. 

Luke 22:39-46
New Century Version (NCV)
Jesus Prays Alone

39 Jesus left the city and went to the Mount of Olives, as he often did, and his followers went with him. 40 When he reached the place, he said to them, “Pray for strength against temptation.”

41 Then Jesus went about a stone’s throw away from them. He kneeled down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take away this cup[a] of suffering. But do what you want, not what I want.” 43 Then an angel from heaven appeared to him to strengthen him. 44 Being full of pain, Jesus prayed even harder. His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. 45 When he finished praying, he went to his followers and found them asleep because of their sadness. 46 Jesus said to them, “Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray for strength against temptation.”

I’ve read this scripture plenty of times before as I’m sure many are familiar with it. Though, for some reason it spoke to me in a different way. 

Jesus’s followers were sleeping because of their sadness. For a while, I’ve been feeling spiritually… “asleep”. My response to my sadness has been that of shutting down. I am not hungry for God as I was before, and actually I became angry with God. I didn’t want to hear the cliche Word of encouragement from anyone, for I did not believe it. I did not want to pray– I was tired of praying. “Where has prayer gotten me?” I didn’t want to be around anyone that would push me to read, pray, cry… i just wanted to be left alone.

I’ve been “sleeping” on my walk… and I actually have not been walking, but laying still. 

Jesus sees his followers asleep and asks them why they are sleeping. He tells them to get up and to “pray for strength against temptation.” 

Again, we all know what Christ is speaking of here, however it spoke to me differently, once more. 

God is commanding me to wake up (get up) and pray for strength against temptation, but what temptation? When I slip back into my depression, I have the choice to do one of two things. I can either feed the depression, or I can use my strength to fight it. What is more tempting, what is easier is to just feed my sorrow. I will listen to sad music. I will cry in bed. I will not eat because I’m not hungry. I will give into my fears of becoming a bother to someone else and disconnect myself from everyone else. I will not fight.

For a while, I have been sleeping. I have left myself susceptible to any and everything imaginable. Ten thousand armies of bitterness, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, envy, sorrow, and things of the like have been making advances toward me while I sat there with my eyes closed. How can I fight something that I can’t see or that I choose not to see? 

I can’t. 

I would have lost that fight and been taken over by more than I could handle and would lose more than I intended to. “Rest” would not be enough for this sickness. I choose to be proactive instead of reactive.

And I know this fight is going to be far from easy but I’m on my way to a healthier me. I’m giving my body something to fight with…

I actually ate breakfast, this morning. 

I actually read my Word, today.