Today I took a visit to my old elementary school, Kenmoor Elementary School.
I pulled into the tiny school parking lot and got out of my car. Immediately turning the corner to the playground, I was hit with the scents of my past. I was taken back to a time of runningfrom bullies, catching caterpillars, calluses from monkey bars, “accidentally” throwing the ball into the woods, just so I could explore what things played in the shade. I saw the blacktop that we used to line up on before we were allowed to play and before we went back into the building. I saw my name that I had written in in chalk so many years ago, and I remember everything being so much bigger back then. Everything looked so much smaller– even the building seemed too tiny to house all of the faces that flooded my mind.
This situation–this place in life, seems so much bigger than it will look further into the future. I thought Elementary school would never end. Middle School seemed so out of reach, High School seemed like a forever away in my elementary school years.
This reminds me of how little my human eyes can see. I have no idea how I got here, how I grew up, how I got out of elementary school, for that matter. All I know is that I’m here by the grace of God. While I was running and ducking from my bullies, God sat on the side smiling and watching after me. He had His plan for me, even when I thought my world would end when I couldn’t go out to recess. He knew I’d be here, in this spot. He knew that I would visit my days of young, and be reminded of His plan in my life– of His sovereignty.
This place that I’m in looks so big. I have no idea how I’m going to get out of here. I have no idea how I’m going to overcome this, or where I’m going to end up. All I can hold onto is the hope that God will continue to mature me and I will look back on this place and realize howsmall of a place this was.
However, this place is essential in laying the foundation to the wonderful things that God has in store for me. Most of the things I apply to everyday life, today, I learned in my elementary school days. How to add, subtract, long division, use context clues, spell, make friends, tie my shoes– all of these basic things I’ve learned at Kenmoor Elementary School.
You look at a child in amazement at how a scrape of the knee can cause them to think they’re dying. I spoke of how denying me recess would bring about the “end of the World”… No I’m not calling my issues small or insignificant. The child still feels the sting, it still hurts when you bend it too far, it could become infected if not properly cared for (that’ll preach to me all day long…lol), but what I am saying is that an adult can’t deny that a child is suffering something serious when that experience is real to them.
You don’t tell a child, “Little Girl hush! Your knee is bleeding, but people are being murdered out here…” NO! God is the same with us! We cry and mourn over what God sees as “Spilled Milk”, but He still cradles us, and comforts us, and empathizes with us EVEN THOUGH He can definitely see the “better” He has for us.
And for that, I’m grateful.
I need not rush out of this place, but take the time to suck up every ounce of wisdom and healing and maturation I can.
Yes, this place sucks and it’s pretty painful. Don’t rush your process (words said to myself, as well), appreciate every detail…
Please believe that I will come out even more beautiful than before.
I hope this made sense…
Here’s the link to a song my friend recommended…enjoy.
“This is not the End” – Gungor
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