"The Art of Forgetting.."

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind…

These cats were onto something when they came up with the concept of this book turned film.

If it were possible to erase the wonderful memories of someone (friend, family member, significant other) so that you no longer have to agonize over the void those memories created would you jump at the chance?

On the one hand that sounds like a pretty good quick fix. To continue in life as if the person you miss never existed– as if your heart never danced with one another…to be free from the emotional grip that they may not even realize that they have on your heart.

To not spend hours upon hours tossing and turning thinking about where everything went wrong, why you weren’t good enough, why you fought when the other person didn’t fight for you, why they can clearly move on to tussle with other hearts, why you were kept a secret but your love was on display for them, why they keep ignoring, why you can’t forget a person who has clearly forgotten about you… why you have to pretend to be happy for something that causes you so much pain… why it’s taking you so long to move on, when it took thoughts for them…

…or regret the words you once said with all sincerity about how they were “like hearing your favorite song for the very first time”—they were that for you. How they were a great find, how you agreed to make room for them, how saying their name would mean they’re permanent and how you meant that with every fiber of your being…how when you’re with them it’s just easy, how they were all you could see…

To not have to smother the smoldering pain in the crack in your chest with alcoholic beverages to laugh, or to not have to entertain random men at happy hours just to feel beautiful or interesting or worth a conversation—worth something, to not have to patch up the place they once occupied… or busy yourself so much so the sorrow won’t catch up and gag your smile. To not have every future relationship affected by the trauma of your first real heartbreak and abandonment.

To not have to think it’s unfair that their names and many faces play so much in your mind, while you are just a faint memory in theirs—a familiar scent. The torture of annoying your friends with the mention of their name, while you doubt your name even comes up in conversation…why are you so forgettable?

To get rid of the what if’s and had I not’s… wishing you didn’t fight so hard for someone who let you just go without so much as a word raised against others’ doubts…”maybe I should’ve listened to everyone else”…but the truth is you took a chance and lost… you followed a hand leading you, and didn’t know what to do when that same hand now pushed you away…

…And how quickly they could push you…

To rid yourself of always feeling the need to go back to check on them— to not really know why or what you’re looking for, exactly. To check up and see how they’re doing with life, because you honestly care—looking at projects excited to see progress for the next one. Wishing to share your own achievements and accomplishments, but you two aren’t speaking. Seeing something that reminds you of inside jokes you shared or seeing something that they would appreciate, but not being able to share them with anyone but yourself. To have to fight calling, messaging, texting them because what good would that do? What would you say? They wouldn’t answer you and let’s face it…you asked for this…

To not have to revisit the memories created, dialogue exchanged, photos taken, music shared… you didn’t want a memory– didn’t aim for it. You wanted, worked for, aimed for now.

See, this isn’t about forgetting someone because their presence was detrimental to you in any way. It’s about forgetting someone because their absence is, seemingly, unbearable. Their impact left such an impression, that they’re absence leaves a gaping hole… Seeing them interact in common circles as if life without you goes on, while you are forced to adjust the simplest of tasks to make it through your day. They’re flourishing and you’re gathering your heart ripped apart on the caved floor beneath you being forced to move out of theirs…

You wish to forget because you deserve the peace and happiness that they experience that comes along with the absence of you, too… you too.

And, maybe, if you never interacted with them, you wouldn’t know what you were missing… if only you could master the art of forgetting…

…But then again, would you?

…maybe not…