"Sneezy"

Okay so, my body is officially over me. I have cried myself sick… literally. I woke up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat and a tight stomach. I have been stressing out lately and when I thought I was okay being numb… BAM!!! Instant cold. So, I’m sniffling and sneezing with an achy body– the whole nine. To top it all off, Mommy comes into my room to find me sitting up in my bed weepy and miserable and asks the question that always brings on the tears:

“Alecia, what’s the matter?” (cue water works!)

 I have not eaten in about two days besides a Bacon Egg and Cheese biscuit from McDonald’s. I know I’m losing weight and I don’t even really care… to be honest. I just want to get over this annoying cold. 

So, I’ve decided to make decisions that will keep me healthy and in a positive state of mind. Anything toxic and/or detrimental to my mental, emotional, physical, Spiritual health I have to begin to purge these things from my life. I’ve already started, and it is hard. 

I’m struggling with questions like:

“When do I let this go?”

“Is this worth my energy?”

“What am I benefiting from this?”

“Is God in this?”

This cold is a direct metaphor to this stage in my life. My body is trying to rid itself of the germs and toxins, and I’m trying to do the same. This cold is uncomfortable and inconvenient and I’m really hating this right now. In the same way, this place is uncomfortable for me. I don’t do well with cutting things or people off, but if it’s going to make me healthier in the end, I’m willing to endure this discomfort and “loss” right now whether the loss is temporary or permanent.

I’m willing to sacrifice a little right now and gain “better” from God– a promise, than hold onto something that has been causing me nothing but pain and confusion and in the end will reap no benefit.

  

Hebrews 10:36

New Century Version (NCV)

36 You must hold on, so you can do what God wants and receive what he has promised.

I’m trying to hold on.